the ‘god’ i believe in
“I spell ‘god’ with a small ‘g’ because I do not believe in him, but I love to swear by him.”
~Anais nin
When I read Anaïs Nin’s quote recently, it really made me question what exactly my thoughts or beliefs were of God. Being raised in a multi-cultural, multi-religious country, my own concept of God has been ‘fluid’ to say the least.
Were the many Chinese deities that my family made paper and food offerings to, God? Or was that loud speaker Muslim call to prayer, the one that we heard 5 times a day, speaking directly to God? Did God live in the steepled-roof church buildings or was s/he part of the many Hindu Gods and Goddesses in their colourful temples?
Was God around us in the spectacle of nature, the earth and its many wondrous inhabitants? Or was he in the stars and the moon that we look up at, vested in the belief that there is something greater than us mere mortals.
I do not really know what the answer is, but I have come to define God in terms of all that I believe to be right and true.
the god i believe in
I do not believe in a god
that exists outside of me
in a god that judges
with callous calamity
the rights and the wrongs
as defined only by society
I do not believe in a god
that says with a hardened soul
you will only be saved if you
follow my righteous path, so bold
one that dictates this to be true
and that, as falsehood retold
I do not believe in a god
that judges who that I am
with compassion that is limited
and love that is is measured
with rules of this is right
and that is wrong, so fight
No
The God i believe in
is the one that lies within
one that never judges and wholly accepts
all I am to be and all that I have been
with the encompassing embrace of
all I do and all I have seen
The God I believe in
is candid and forthright
the embodiment of good
with no judgement nor spite
in the accepting of differences
the embracing of the dark and the light
The God I believe in
is universally kind
with the peaceful knowing
of the light that shines
within each of us despite what we do
for all of us are merely passing through
~ Li-ling Ooi
6 March 2020
